I spent 90% of my life being and doing what everyone around me expected. Why? Because I felt that if I did that, they would love me...more. It doesn’t work that way.

I now know that the root of this behaviour of mine is the belief that ‘I am not good enough’ and that I had to do this or be that to deserve love. Another faulty belief. 

And then, I later realised that this ‘I am not enough’ thought is rooted in the fact that I never really loved myself or was able to accept myself as I was. And so, I was, in reality, only using my relationships to get the love I couldn’t feel for myself. 

These relationships don’t really satisfy or last, because I cannot give another person what I do not have for myself. I could not really love another until I learned to love myself.

And thus, in all these relationships, the fear of losing them would be an undercurrent. Because deep down I was scared they would leave when they discovered the real me.

Long story short. Lesson learnt:

1. No relationship is going to be fulfilling , unless I am absolutely in love with who I am...strengths, weaknesses...the whole me. 
   
   
2. I cannot truly love anyone or receive another’s love unless I truly believe that I am enough, and deserve to love and be loved.

Unless I change, the drama continues!!